Reconciling My image
In the past few weeks, I have been paying close attention to how people describe me.
My co-workers and business acquiantences have used words like “poised”, “confident”, “assertive”, “go-getter” and the like and my friends similar. But the one word that kept coming up over and over was confident.
What people admire in me most is my confidence.
Thats what they said resoundingly over and over. And I am confident. It’s not some facade. But lately I have been feeling very incapable. Incapable of running my life. Incapable of controlling my feelings and actions. Incapabable of staying alive. I’ve felt overwhelmed by life recently and I start to feel like a slowly sinking ship with no help. Luckily, my friends and family were there for me during this time and I am getting better and my outlook is changed. But I also know my self perception is fragile and can change so very easily.
But I find it interesting that while I’m in the midst of personal crises people still think I am professional and poised. Suave and smooth…able to still make that deal.
And I’ve been making some pretty good deals lately. But with bigger deals comes more responsibility and stress, things I tend to not deal with so well. I am concerned about falling back down the spiral again. But as with everything, the higher you climb the harder you fall and I am afraid one day I may fall so hard I don’t get back up.
But I also believe in trying and living for today. I will deal with that and those feelings when/if they come. So for now, I am doing well, I am poised, I am confident and I am able to live my life.
Now to just keep it going.
