Of Dreams and What May Come
I have been having some incredibly detailed dreams of late. Last night the one I had came after two things :
1. I spent my first new years with my boy and his family.
2. I missed my medication.
The dream was about my ex husband. I dreamt I was back in CA and seeing how he was doing. He was fine. He was running some kind of camera spy business with the guys from his band and doing well. His hair was curly now instead of straight. Instead of hating me like he does in real life he was kind and hugged me. But he also told me I had to go. All the members of his band actually hugged me and told me I had to go. I was really sad after that and a very old friend of mine appeared in my dream to comfort me. He was hanging christmas lights and started to rub my back.
Then I started dreaming about this puppy. I first lost this tan colored puppy and couldn’t find it. I was looking all over and finding other puppies but not MY puppy. I was extremely distraught. In looking for the puppy I was looking underneath busses and finding mice who were to be crushed and was trying to flick them out of the way so they didn’t (I didn’t want to touch them).
Then I woke up and cried.
When I went back to sleep (when I get sad I have a hard time getting out of bed so I sleep more) I had another dream about another puppy – this time a bigger puppy and black and white. He belonged to my neighbors and I was talking to him and he wasn’t happy there. Specifically with his female owner. So I told him he could come to live with me. But then his owners came out and looked at me like I was trying to steal him so I just said I was going to play with him and they said ok. I dreamt I was at my grandparents home I grew up in and family was coming over. I kept running through the different rooms – distraught – and finally back to my room crying. I was on some kind of rollercoaster. The world was ending. These were some of the themes in this second dream.
I have no clue what these dreams mean. But the phrase “You can never go home again” sticks with me. I am making a new home for myself. It is difficult and arduous, but I am doing it. I have a support system around me. I know I can do it. But subconsciously, I see I long for the past still. It’s a new year. I brought in the new year with the person I wanted to. I hope this is good portents of what may come. It really was a very lovely new year. Playing monopoly with his kids. Having a snow ball fight and building a snow girl. Dining out in a nice restaurant and finally, ending up in the arms of the man I love. My life now has its challenges, but overall its not bad. Challenges are nothing new to me. They’ve always been there. I will continue to face them with the grit and fortitude I had in my younger years.
Happy New years everyone.
