Landmines in the City
Anyone who has dated for a significant period of time in the city would most likely agree that there are certain places that can trigger memories. Perhaps its the park where you used to stroll hand in hand with your loved one or that cafe you would brunch at. For me, around the city of New York I can’t seem to escape them.
Everywhere I go I seem to be confronted by my past. Walking through Central Park with a new guy I am dating we approach a part where my ex and I took our first stroll that resulted in our first kiss. As I am holding his hand and passing it my head swivels to see the newly born couple walking in the snow arm in arm and about to kiss. “What are you looking at?” I am jolted back to the fine summer day with my current beau. “Nothing….lets go”.
Another such occurance happened today. I was down on Wall st. for some training with my firm eating lunch at the Financier cafe on William St. Two years ago I had a friend I was very close with who moved away. We both were in love with other people who were unavailable to us and had agreed that had we met in another place and time we would have fallen in love with each other. From the moment we met it was like we had known each other for years. We never wanted to leave each other and would trade longingly sad looks. Why did we have to meet after all this pain.
Instead we nursed each other through the tough times. Our relationship was never sexual but it was incredibly emotionally intimate. As I sat at the financier on this lovely, warm summer day I looked over at the bench we sat at one lonesome winter evening and was instantly transported back. All of a sudden all of the feelings I was experiencing at the time came flooding back. “Are you staying at this table long?” warm summer day again. “No, you can take it.” I stammered as one lone tear rolled down my cheek. Thank god for sunglasses and people’s inherent narcissism.
One of the things that has helped me stop living so much in the past is Buddhist meditation. I have really been succeeding of late in living in the present and it feels good. But sometimes, you just can’t help but revisit your past.
